the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 5 Choices

Posted by themirrenlee on 05/01/2012

Choices.

To me, one of the most important things human beings do is make choices.  The ones you make determine everything about your life.  Even when you think you don’t have a choice about something, you do because you can choose how you feel about whatever it is.

When I started seeing a counsellor many years ago, this was the subject that made me the angriest when she brought it up.  I had been complaining that someone had “made” me do something, and she said nobody makes me do anything – I choose to do it.  Or feel it.  I got so angry at the very thought that she didn’t see me as the victim of someone else’s power that I almost didn’t go back.  And I stayed angry for 3 weeks, stewing about her lack of “understanding”.

Then all of a sudden I got it.  My brain lit up and I realized something so profound that it has affected my life for the better ever since.  When I CHOOSE how I react to someone’s behavior then I HAVE THE POWER, NOT THEM.  If I say they “make” me, then I put myself in the role of victim and give up my personal power.  It’s so simple, yet so profound.  And it’s hard for most people to accept because, as it was for me, it’s much easier to play victim than fighter.  It’s due partly, I think, to so many people’s fear of confrontation, but it’s also because blaming someone else for anything wrong in your life is so much easier than taking charge of it yourself.  After all, then you’ll have to actually do something about whatever’s wrong.

But the thing is, as M. Scott Peck says in, “The Road Less Travelled”, if you don’t face up to something and take charge of it when it happens, if you try to ignore whatever it is and hope it will just go away, then it will sit there, and sit there, until eventually it comes around and bites you in the backside.  Then, of course, when things are allowed to fester, they grow, getting bigger and nastier, until when they do bite you it can be a pretty nasty experience.

And you made the choice to let it sit so it’s no use complaining about it.  Much easier to make the choice from the beginning to assert your personal power and speak up/do something about whatever it is that’s bothering you.  If the thought of what I’m saying, that nobody makes you do anything, causes you to feel a tad angry or uncomfortable, then maybe you need to look at the choices you’re making.  It’s a new year – you can start making fresh choices.  Be a fighter, not a victim.  In the long run, that’s a much better choice.

I’m just sayin’ …

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