the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 24 Flare

Posted by themirrenlee on 24/01/2012

Not the good kind of hot, baby!

I’m having one. What is it? A hot flash (or “power surge”/”short trip to Hell”, as I like to call them)? Or maybe it’s a flare of inspiration? Or maybe a sharp burst of anger?

No, it’s none of those, although it does fill me with anger I try to control because that just makes it worse. Any Fibromyalgics out there know what I’m talking about. A Flare is a Flare up of our pain levels, often accompanied by extra fatigue, just to make the whole experience a tad more miserable.

They can last a few hours, or a few days, or even a few weeks. Every part of the body becomes more sensitive, more fragile, more painful.

Mine don’t last very long now – a day or two at the most, usually – so I’m luckier than those who go through repeated bouts of long attacks. I actually know what is causing this one now, which will help me to get out of it sooner.

It’s these blogs! Sitting for any length of time, now that I have the added pleasure of some osteoarthritis in my lower back, causes my muscles to cramp badly, even through to my abdomenal area. I’ve been writing for longer and longer – I MUST keep these blogs shorter! – and getting so lost in the process (and so used to distracting myself from pain) that it isn’t until I’m in the “red zone” that I realize I’d better lie flat immediately. I have exercises I can do, a wonderful electric massager with a long handle that reaches all the way down my back, medication to take and creams to apply, not to mention my hot water bottle (but that’s pretty unusable right now because it’s summer in Australia).

It doesn’t take long before the pain starts to subside and all is bearable again. However, Fibromyalgia has a residual pain component to it, and I feel it the next day – sitting in my body, muted as if the volume of the pain were turned down, but the hum is still there in the background, and I feel tired.

Then, after a few days of this, the cumulative effect is that my body might say, “Enough!”, and Flare up into a pain level that can’t be ignored. Like what’s happened now.

The only answer when pain raises its volume to the maximum level is to listen and respect its power. I now, in this wonderful New Start of 2012, have more ability than I’ve ever had before to turn the volume down. However, I can’t think about what I need to do, I have to actually do it. I need to be able to turn it down low enough so that I can’t even hear it when I’m at the computer.

I am going to listen to what my body wants. I know it will involve both nurturing and strengthening. I have to pace myself if I want to follow through on my 2012 commitments, including setting this website up properly and doing all the writing that requires, not just a daily blog.

With that in mind, I will close now and hope that any of you out there who are not listening to your bodies, whether you have a chronic illness or not, will start to do so now, before the volume rises on your pain, or stress, or anxiety, or depression, or negativity, or whatever devils you fight, to the point where you can’t even hear what you need anymore to make it better. It’s called Burn Out. It happens when a Flare of any kind is allowed to get out of control.

Prevention is so much easier than cure.

I’m just flarin’ …

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