The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 36 Showing Up

Posted by themirrenlee on 05/02/2012

Showing up.

That’s what I’m doing. But not writing much tonight because I can’t.

Anyone with a chronic health condition knows that it waxes and wanes like the moon. One day you feel like you just might be getting on top of things, and the next you can’t get out of bed. I’ve been having a bit of that this past week, with various symptoms of increased fatigue, feelings of a bug coming on, headaches, etc. and I have been confused by them all. Another problem with Fibromyalgia is that it’s such a Medusa-like condition, with so many different aspects to it, that the sufferer never knows if something new has cropped up, or it’s just the same old, same old. It’s very hard to know when to accept a symptom as “normal”, or suspect it’s something new that needs to be looked into.

Well, I just discovered that I’m reacting to the new NSAID (non steroidal anti inflammatory drug) I went on recently for the osteo arthritis in my back – it’s called Mobic, and is very popular because, hey, it works, but unfortunately the side effects can be a bit tiresome. One of them is described thus: “can get flu-like symptoms”. Talk about having to sort the wheat from the chaff! No wonder I’ve felt like I have.

Unfortunately, I am very sensitive to medications in general, and always need to take the smallest dose possible. Also unfortunately, it takes me a little while to not doubt myself when it comes to side effects. I’m always quick to explain them away as just part of Medusa’s tentacles.

So the choice now becomes: which door will I take – the one with the pain or the one with the side effects?

I’ve made my choice for the moment because I need to have energy for setting up this website properly, and writing more than just the daily blog; I want to start filling in a few more Categories. Not to mention all the other Plans and Commitments I want to be working on.

I’m going off the med. and taking the pain for now. I’ll just increase the use of my massager, hot water bottle, gentle exercises and a great gel my doctor put me onto called “Feldene”. It’s over the counter, and has piroxicam in it, which is an anti inflammatory. If you haven’t tried it, I recommend doing so. Not for Fibromyalgia, although you never know, but for inflammatory conditions such as arthritis it works really well. For Fibro., gels/creams are usually useless. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s found one that works for them.

I’ve tried every cream/gel on the market, and the one I loved for about 20 years was called “Nature’s Remedy”, recommended to me by a myotherapist (muscle therapist – really useful for Fibromyalgics) I used to see. The jar said it was made out of wildflowers and came from Perth, which seemed a tad bizarre when I first got it. But I found out it was a miracle cream, stopping my muscle pain in its tracks, as well as having an ability to immediately soothe any bites, itching, or irritation of the skin. A couple of months ago they stopped making it. All I could think was, well maybe if you’d advertised it so that people knew it existed, you’d make enough money so you wouldn’t want to stop making it! (If anyone out there knows where I can get a supply, please let me know.)

I have never been so open about my chronic conditions before. I have always kept them so well hidden that anyone who ever hears I have health issues is surprised, and says, “But you look so well!” I laugh because a friend of mine, whenever someones says that to him, replies, “Yes, but I’m like an apple – shiny on the outside with a rotten core.”

One of the decisions I made when starting this blog was to share my health issues, not only because they are an integral part of my Journey this year, but also because I hope that my experiences might help someone else. Anytime we can turn adversity into something useful, it doesn’t feel as if it’s so pointless.

So tonight I showed up and posted something, even though it wasn’t really about much of anything. It’s just important I show up every day, so that I fulfil this daily Commitment to myself. Then I also feel as if I’m managing my health issues, they’re not managing me. Personal Power is the best power there is.

I showed up …

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