the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 61 Patience and Control

Posted by themirrenlee on 01/03/2012

Patience and Control.

I have very little of the first one, which, I think, is probably a trait that’s shared by most Type A/ADHD personalities. As for the second one, most everyone seems to want more of it in their lives. And it’s my belief that the more you want it, the less you’re going to get it.

Which is why I think that when one gets a chronic condition like Fibromyalgia, the Universe is trying to teach us a lot about patience and control. I absolutely, totally believe that everything in life happens for a reason. Sometimes we find out why, most times we don’t. It’s utterly fascinating, though, when something happens like you sleep in and are late to work, which ends up causing you to miss the pile up on the freeway that you could have been a part of if you’d arrived at the spot any earlier. Most people call these types of experiences coincidences. I call them messages from the Universe.

I absolutely now know that if I have a busy day, then on the next one I’ll be sore and tired. Therefore, I expected that because I had three busy days prior to arriving in Sydney yesterday, today I would wake up feeling as if I’d been hit by a truck. Exactly what happened. I used to get so upset at “losing” a day, by having to stay in bed nurturing myself, as well as having to cope with feeling so sore and tired, that I’d be depressed, teary and feel quite hopeless about things.

That was due to my lack of patience. I wanted what I wanted WHEN I wanted it. And I wanted more control – ah, that’s the big thing! Chronic conditions cause a lack of control in so many areas. It’s like going through life tied up with duct tape. Everything is so much harder to do – and control – when you can’t move the way you want to.

However, now I’ve learned. I can’t control the pain and fatigue – I can only bend with it, flow with it, and wait for it to pass. I do what I can, and what I can’t, I put off until I can. As the day went on today, I slowly felt the pain receding and my strength returning. It’s kind of like a super hero regenerating – Superman after an attack of kryptonite!

Interestingly, I’ve also learned – and continue to do so – more patience in other areas of my life. Control is an illusion anyway. We human beings really can’t control anything. It’s such a joke. We’ve got all our ducks in a row, everything in our life is going along exactly as we want it to, and then S O M E T H I N G  H A P P E N S. Illness, death, Mother Nature’s destruction (Right now, after years of extreme drought, Sydney is in the grip of constant rain that has put 75% of the state under water!), something else unexpected that we never even considered, could happen. That’s life.

I remember a little analogy someone told me once that was cute: we’re like little kids in the back seat of the car, playing with our toy steering wheels, thinking we’re driving the car. We toot the horn, turn the wheel, “yell” at people to get out of our way and think we’re great “drivers”. In the meantime, in the front seat, the real driver (pick your own god figurehead that you believe in, or call it the Universal Energy, as I do) just keeps going down the roads he/she/it chooses, making the turns that have been picked out for you. Having all the ultimate control.

I also now believe that those of us who have had, or are having, particularly bad experiences of any kind – I don’t mean just the everyday things that people go through, but the really tough conditions/illnesses/bad breaks/devastating life changes – are meant to learn really important lessons, and be helpful examples for others. We have wisdom to share, inspiration to impart, and empathy to feel.

So if you’re having a rough time, have patience. If you’re feeling hopeless, have patience. If you have something chronic to cope with, have patience.

As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

Don’t even try to figure out why it’s happening to you. That’s beyond your control. Have patience. You may find out later. Like I found out that having to go through the nightmare of my 6 year old grandson’s leukemia has enabled me today to help others who battle cancer, with advice, insights and real, sincere empathy. Or you may find out that you’re just going through whatever it is to learn about patience and control. Or you may never know. It just is what it is. It’s called Life.

That’s today’s thoughts. Now a note about a new Category I’m starting work on tonight, called “Cast of Characters”. As I start to write about my upbringing in the Category called, “A Different Kind of Normal”, there are a lot of people involved. To start with, I have 2 sisters and 4 brothers. So that it doesn’t get confusing, and so I don’t have to constantly say things like “David, my son”, I’m going to explain everybody in the “Cast of Characters”. I hope it works as a useful referral tool.

Tomorrow I’m planning to start on “A Different Kind of Normal”, as well as expand on the little bit I’ve written in my profile. You might notice that I don’t say I will definitely start them then, because I can’t be sure of how I’ll be feeling. But I will do my best. That’s all any of us can do, and that should be enough for us if we’re patient, and not obsessed with control!

I’m just bein’ patient …

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