The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 64 My Pilot Light’s Low

Posted by themirrenlee on 04/03/2012

My pilot light’s low.

That’s how I’m feeling right now. I looked inside my head, and there’s lots there to write about, but then I looked inside my energy tank, and it’s almost empty. I have ideas up the clacker, and endless things I want to say, but I’ve spent the day feeling tired – please, Universe, not a bug coming on. When one has a chronic condition of any kind (like Fibromyalgia), the last thing we need is even just a simple cold to add to it.

I’m not just out of spoons, my pilot light seems to be almost out, as well. I think of our energy, our life force, as like a water heater: it bubbles along with hot water from the flames underneath it, and if they go out (because of overwork, fatigue, illness, etc.) you still have your pilot light to start them up again. It’s when your pilot light goes out that you have a bit of a problem! That’s what I think organic depression must feel like – your pilot light goes out, and it’s very hard to get it lit again. Luckily, I’ve never suffered from that affliction, although it runs rampant in my family. Thank god they invented antidepressants to help a bit, but even they can’t get that pilot light relit sometimes.

When I feel my pilot light flickering, I know it’s time for some drastic re-energizing action. Usually, this consists of lots more sleep and meditation, simple as that. Going deep inside to start the energy flames again. I personally need lots of quiet for this. I use ear plugs when I go to bed, because I’m such a light sleeper, but I also use them any time I feel like I need absolute quiet, which is most lot of the time! Some people need constant background noise – the TV on, music, whatever. I’m not one of them. I like to listen to my inner self, as well as simply … just … nothing.

That’s my form of meditation, another activity everybody does differently. The idea of it freaks many people out, because they think they don’t know how to do it, and it seems too hard to “think of nothing”, but that’s not how I see meditation. I like to lie quietly, and just drift. I like the technique of visualising wings on all my thoughts and just letting them float by, not holding onto them. I sometimes “let go” as I breathe out, and that’s usually a way to let go of the pain I’m feeling in my muscles, but it’s also letting go of worries and responsibilities. It’s the ultimate “time out”. I have a tendency to drift into a semi sleep, and I sure end up feeling relaxed!

It’s amazing how you can also get answers to problems/questions you might be struggling with, just by being quiet and “listening” to your Inner Self. That may sound “New Agey”, but we are constantly bombarded with so much White Noise around us, it’s no wonder we can’t hear ourselves think, or listen to what we need. Just stop sometimes for a minute and really LISTEN to your immediate environment. Our RAS (reticular activating system) filters sounds for us so that we only pay attention to what we subconsciously think is the most relevant to us, or we’d go crazy trying to hear everything at the same time. If you’re in a hospital for instance, you probably won’t hear what’s being said over the PA system until your own name is mentioned. Then your ears perk up and you pay attention to that specific noise.

If you listen carefully, you’ll probably hear things you never noticed before due to subconsciously blocking them out. Street noise, people noise, noise from your appliances (I can’t stand the hum of my fridge at night, for instance, so I close the kitchen door), dogs barking, bells ringing if you’re near a school, and so on. One reason I’m moving out of my flat next month is because of how noisy it is. I’ve had to put up with street construction all year, plus two different flats being renovated, and almost daily machinery for the various gardens in the street. The noises have been like living in a dentist’s office! And there are no ear plugs on earth strong enough to block out all the high pitched whines and thumping. The tension and stress of living with it has really affected my pilot light.

Environments can be just as toxic as people, and they don’t have to be physical, like dirty water. They can be mental or emotional, or both; anything that makes us feel tired, stressed, drained is a toxic environment. We’re now more open to the idea of toxic situations and people being bad for us, so we should also be open to the concept of needing “White Light”, the healing energy of anything that nourishes our Inner Selves. Meditation and sleep are two strong White Light helpers.

I will be moving back to a place beside the ocean about a 90 minute drive from Melbourne, where the rents are cheap enough to be able to afford a whole separate, quiet, house instead of a noisy flat, and the best sound of all is that of the water lapping on the sand. That lights up my whole boiler! I find it healing, energizing, and very conducive to creativity.

I hope you listen to your Inner Self enough to know when your pilot light needs attending to. When it disappears, that’s what I call Burn Out, and it’s a condition you don’t want to experience. Trying to light your way out of it is very hard.

This year is dedicated to many Commitments (Goals), and one of them is better health, so right now more sleep and meditation is on my immediate agenda. If you feel you need either/both, as well, please, attend to your boiler!

I’m just workin’ on my light …

6 Responses to “Day 64 My Pilot Light’s Low”

  1. Sorry to hear that you are out of steam. I know the feeling. Have you tried DMSO and/or magnesium as a pain reliever? I’ve mixed some magnesium with DMSO (in liquid form) and I rub it on for pain. I put some on my broken toe and its 50% less painful. I also use a plain magnesium gel in the morning and evening, which helps with overall fibro issues. I suspect the magnesium helps with energy levels too. Feel better!!!

    • Well, this is the benefit of a world wide Internet community – I’d never heard of DMSO! I looked it up and it sounds very interesting – what a varied and controversial history. It seems it was only available in Australia in a version known as DMSO2, a lighter version or something. All the chemical info confuses me. But then I was reading how it was possible to get DMSO after all. So the upshot is I will ask my doctor about it when I see her next week. I already use several different creams, and yes, Magnesium as well. The challenge is in treating both inflammatory – osteoarthritis – and non inflammatory – fibromyalgia – conditions at the same time. The info said that DMSO hadn’t had great success in Fibro trials, and that’s probably the inflammatory issue, as it’s an anti-inflammatory. But I might find it very useful for the arthritis as I have a terrible intolerance to the usual anti-inflammatory meds. So thanks very much for bringing it to my attention.

      • I hope you find that DMSO helps with your osteo arthritis pain. DMSO is the delivery system for many meds here in the U.S. I noticed that my magnesium gel has DMSO in it and my brother’s dermatologist prescribed a vitamin concoction that is delivered via DMSO. He’s a mainstream MD!
        I used straight DMSO on my broken and lacerated toe, and it was very helpful. I just walked the dogs and managed to limp to the dog lot and back without suffering.
        Good luck!

      • Again, thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. I don’t do well with the side effects of normal anti-inflammatories, so this may be a good answer for me. I’ll let you know what happens with my doctor next week.

  2. I slept most of the day yesterday and all but an hour last night. It’s amazing how the constand daily noise can get to us. I used to live in the country and, after my move back to Denver, I found everything so LOUD. We ALWAYS have our radio/tv/fans/heaters/traffic sct putting noise into the environment. It’s insanity creating!

    There are times when I go walking at 2-3 am because that’s the only time in the world that I can actually hear nothing… most of the time. I was thinking about this with the ending of my last post, remembering the unreal feeling of being on a busy street when it wasn’t busy. It actually gave me chills.

    • I love the feeling you’re talking about: being out on the streets when they’re quiet. I always say my favorite day of the year is New Year’s Day, especially the morning, because it seems the whole world is hungover and sleeping, so it’s completely quiet. That’s here in Australia, anyway, because it’s a public holiday AND they’re big drinkers! And yet some people love constant noise. Go figure.

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