the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 69 The Road Back

Posted by themirrenlee on 09/03/2012

The Road Back.

To drugs. I wrote the other night that I know I have to accept, like a diabetic, that I must stay on the right cocktail of drugs in order to function. With Fibromyalgia, or any chronic condition that involves chronic/acute pain, the resultant fatigue and lack of desire to do anything but try to avoid feeling bad, which means staying in bed, means that frustration and depression often follow. And yet, with the right drugs, plus everything else I throw at it, whether medical or “alternative”, I can handle it quite well. Now that I’ve decided to stop being “drug phobic”, I just have to get through the next few weeks of handling side effects as my body gets used to being back on drugs I’d stopped taking.

Today I went back on anti-inflammatories. They have always affected me badly, but I’m on a minimum dosage, so we’ll see. I’m looking forward to a reduction in my lower back pain, which means a greater ability to sit at the computer for longer periods of time. Now THAT would do wonders for my morale!

As I write this, I am in great pain, and not feeling very inspired. However, I always think of all the people in the world who are worse off than me. When I don’t feel well, I have a masochistic game I play thinking about all the horrible illnesses/conditions I COULD have instead of Fibromyalgia. Like a medical student grossing out over all the illnesses he/she is learning about (but not imagining I might have all of them, like I hear they do!).

I actually have what Oprah Winfrey calls an “Attitude of Gratitude” about life in general. I’ve tried both the negative and positive thinking paths, and I find that the positive one works better for me. I truly believe what you visualize, what you live, what positive energy you let into your life (and toxicity out, including toxic people), will manifest in what you need. Notice I say need. We don’t always know what we need, and we don’t always need what we want.

My third husband was a pessimist, while I am an optimist. He said that being a pessimist is better because always expecting the worst means that when it does happen you’re neither surprised nor disappointed! He said I was always leaving myself open for a let down. I never bought it. The truth is that when good things happen to optimists, we get a double bonus of expecting it and getting it! So how do I handle a bad outcome?

Well, there’s a play called, “Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You,” written by Christopher Durang, with one of my favorite quotes in it. The play is an insane Catholic nun explaining everything we should be doing to be good Catholics (Christopher Durang is like the South Park of playwrights), and at one point she says: “God always answers your prayers. It’s just that sometimes the answer is NO.”

That’s it in a nutshell. I am not a Christian, but I have a very strong Spiritualist faith, believing in the energy of the Universe, Buddhist-like in nature if you want to put a label on it, and I also believe everything happens for a reason. So when the answer is “No” to me asking and asking for help to get off any medication, I know there’s no use questioning it. Maybe one day I’ll know why this is happening. Maybe not. I’m just grateful my medication is not chemotherapy, for instance.

I have gratitude for there being drugs that CAN actually help me. I have gratitude that drugs cured my grandson’s leukemia, which he got when he was six years old. I have gratitude that I no longer feel the terror of waiting for an asthma attack to hit, with nothing to help me when it does. I have gratitude that drugs were invented!

I hope anyone suffering with any condition can find some way to find peace with it. The mental/emotional anguish so often makes the physical that much worse. Stay positive, find a way to be grateful, and ask for help if you need it, from both the Universe (or your particular god), and those close to you.

That’s what I plan to do for the next few weeks as I stabilize myself into better condition.

I’m on the road again …

7 Responses to “Day 69 The Road Back”

  1. im sorry you are in pain 😦 im glad you consider the less fortunate and keep a positive state of mind. keep fighting!! have you ever studied naturopathy? i just posted a blog about it, maybe you can check it out πŸ™‚ have a great day πŸ™‚

    • You have a lovely looking website. I have indeed studied naturopathy. Over the last 40 years, even before I had Fibromyalgia, I have had an interest in alternative therapies, and studied nutrition while working in a vitamin store in Hollywood in the 1970s. My Mother’s family, from Scotland, all had an intense interest in homeopathic remedies. You have reminded me that I want to establish a Category about what I’ve tried, because not only will it be interesting for me to remember, but it might help others who don’t know about some therapies: cupping, for instance, or burning herb acupuncture. Thank you for your input and your positive thoughts.

  2. I would like to honour you with the Fibro Fighter Award (http://fibromodem.wordpress.com/the-fibro-fighter-award/).

    Congratulations! Please feel free to recommend other bloggers whom you think worthy of this tribute.

    • Well, thank you. And most of all, thank you for letting me know about the fibromodem site. Astoundingly wonderful to see so much info in one place! I’ve had it for 30 years, so I remember when it was called fibrositis and considered an “in your head” condition of middle aged women! I’m also following you now, because you have a fascinating site. Well done. I have to say I DON’T agree with whoever told you that you “should” be getting up at 6:30am. If I’ve learned one thing from 30 years, it’s that we should listen to what our own bodies tell us, and it doesn’t sound like yours wants to get up then! Whose would?! Be well.

    • I know how to link for my blog, but I didn’t realize where to go on the fibromodem site. Thanks for that.

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