the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Archive for July, 2012

Day 213 An Emotional Break

Posted by themirrenlee on 31/07/2012

As my insomnia therapy goes into high gear, I have to take a break from posting every day.

I will explain all when I start again, probably in just a few days.

I am attacking the insomnia on all levels: physical, mental and emotional.

Not posting has to do with the emotional, which is a bit of a story.

One which will be explained. In the meantime, I WILL show up every night to mark the days, at least.

I’m just restin’ …

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Day 212 Arrrggghhh …

Posted by themirrenlee on 30/07/2012

NOOOOOO, that should have 212. I MISSED 211 completely!

What in Hell is wrong with me?!

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Day 211 Zombie R i

Posted by themirrenlee on 30/07/2012

Had hynosis.

Been trained to sleep.

(Wish I’d been trained to get numbers right – I missed numbering 210 altogether!)

I’m just followin’ orders …

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WiFi Why?

Posted by themirrenlee on 29/07/2012

Again the WiFi in the house is acting up.

I don’t know why. The only consistency is that it gets worse at night.

POETRY FOR YOU:
Can’t poke out a post on my phone,
So once again I must post pone!

EXCEPT, I must mention that I’ve decided that from August 1st I’m going to have – and record – a daily activity that gets me closer to my trip. It will help me clarify where I am and where I have to go to achieve my commitment for October 27th. I’m glad I thought of it!

I’m just goal settin’ …

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Day 210 My Brain on Drugs

Posted by themirrenlee on 28/07/2012

The cat never has insomnia. I want to kill the cat.

A brain on drugs. Notice it is sleeping.

Okay, so yesterday the hypno doc – Miriam – talked me through relaxing completely. Funny to hear her say exactly what I do in the relaxation sections of my voice and drama classes. I’ve always wanted someone to do it for me!

I went home relaxed, having made appointments to see her on Mondays and Fridays for the next 3 weeks. I hate making commitments, of course, because Fibromites never know when they’ll be run over by buffalos, but we’ll see how it goes. I am very committed to seeing if this helps my insomnia.

Then again, this whole relaxation thing comes with its own added pressure. I want it to work so I don’t feel like I did it “wrong” or something. Ah, Guilt, the emotion from Hell.

However, I do recommend it for anyone who … well, anyone, really. I don’t think the average person ever gets in a relaxed state! Too much to do, too little time to do it in. The stress of the world, blah, blah, blah. If you DO suffer from Fibro, though, you are one of those who at the very least should try a bit of relaxation therapy/hypnosis because pain causes stress, which causes the muscles to tense more. It’s such a vicious cycle.

I went home after the session, had a hot bath, and started doing the relaxation mantra myself – relax the feet, the legs, the stomach, the head, etc. I’ve done it a million times. It does help a bit, but is much better when someone else’s voice is talking you through it. At the end of a yoga class, when they do the relaxation bit, I always fall asleep. I think getting a voice tape from Miriam will work for me. Her voice is very soothing.

So did I have a good night’s sleep?

NO, I FUCKING DID NOT!

It was one of the worst. I finally took Phenergan and Mersyndol after midnight, so I was hungover today. I was lying awake at the beginning of the evening last night, feeling good, and planning all the things I was going to do today. I’m sure Fibromites will understand when I say that the reality of how we feel in the morning is a whole different thang! I ended up dragging myself around the house, accomplishing little, yelling at the cat to stop asking for food (he is SO overweight), and crushing my chest for a cuddle when I lie down. I love him to bits, but really, sometimes he’s as needy as … I’m sorry, I have to say it … a dog.

So I decided to take into account the hangover I always have the next day by drugging my brain very early – 5pm – and we’ll see how we go. Sometimes, I just ache to go deeply asleep so much that I’d love a general anaesthetic. I told my doctor, Barbie’s boyfriend Ken, that I do this sometimes, just take a big dose and sleep for about 20 hours – hopefully. He seems to think it’s okay, so I just have to not feel guilty and do it. Why guilty? Because I give myself such a hard time over my health, always thinking that if I were “better’, “stronger”, whatever, I’d be able to just be better right now, and stop “wasting time”. There’s always so much I want to do that I end up not being able to. I know I’m not alone in this, but it still sucks.

I still have to do the steps necessary to accept my You Are My Sunshine award nomination, but I need to sleep first. I hope to have better news tomorrow about that.

I’m just druggin’ …

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Day 209 Hiding from Insomnia

Posted by themirrenlee on 27/07/2012

I had my first hypnosis session today, and it was so amazing I wanted to share everything about it …

BUT …

I’ve just had a boiling hot bath for the sore muscles, and have managed to hold onto a great deal of the relaxed feelings I had as I left the doctor’s office …

which I don’t want to lose …

SO …

I’m going to report tomorrow.

I also have to thank Simone from fibromodem
for nominating me for The Sunshine Award, and there are certain criteria I have to fulfill, which I’ll also do tomorrow.

In the meantime, I think we should all ponder why Hypnosis and Relaxation Therapy are not mentioned as part of handling Fibro.

Ever.

We talk about being relaxed through massage or Yoga, but I never hear about Relaxation by itself being used.

And never Hypnosis. I’m trying it for insomnia, but of course it can reduce pain as well. I had immediate relief.

So I’m hoping that Simone, who is the Research Queen, can give us some insight into why these two therapies seem to be ignored as Fibro Helpers. ???

In the meantime, I am going to slowly and gently see if I can sneak into bed without Mr. Insomnia following me.

I’m just relaxin’ …

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Day 208 Post Poned

Posted by themirrenlee on 26/07/2012

The challenge when combining a commitment like a daily blog with a chronic condition is the ability to show up every day, much less write properly.

Last night I had a Reflexology session, which as usual was great. I didn’t write last night because I was so relaxed I hoped I might go to sleep if I just left everything and got into bed. Didn’t really work, and then this morning I woke up with the Flare from Hell.

This is a generalized pain and fatigue one, and my feet hurt! So maybe it’s all just a big reaction to my session and tomorrow it will have passed.

The good news is I bought Arnica cream formulated for joint and muscle pain relief, and it works! Not too expensive and has a neutral odor.

So tomorrow is hypnotist day, and hopefully also a writing on computer one.

I’m just post-ponin’ …

Posted in Fibromyalgia/Chronic Conditions, I'm Just Sayin' | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Day 207 Static

Posted by themirrenlee on 25/07/2012

I’m afraid I have to ask you to amuse yourselves tonight. All will be made clear tomorrow.

If I tried to write now all you’d get is +#<\£¥•€€¥|£?>?~{?+^>¥*=>*????!##|>!!!…………………),:&.(?’hahaha………¥%%~]?€€€¥………..?

I’m just €+€%~{\^!>¥€+•¥*•€~~’…

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Day 206 Wanderlusting

Posted by themirrenlee on 24/07/2012

I kind of slept last night! Of course, I was totally wrecked from two hours of walking (my limit is about half an hour) to do errands. I limped home and told the cat to get his own dinner.

He responded by making a total mess of his litter box. NO ONE disrespects a cat. It’s like insulting the Mafia. Of course, in a cat’s case you’d only wake up with a mouse head next to you, but that’s still pretty yuckky. And never forget they can throw up at will. Furball, anyone?

But I digress. I may have slept from great fatigue (pain is a tad tiring), but I also felt a kind of deep down inner peace being in the hands of Miriam. She’s very soothing, and she gave me a bit of insomnia hope. Can’t wait for the hypnosis.

3 FIBRO FOG MOMENTS TODAY:
1) Realized the book I ordered by Robert Crais on eBay was NOT his latest (“Taken”), but his last one (“The Sentry”), which I’VE ALREADY READ!
I HATE THAT!
2) I tried to reschedule my student clinic massage (yes, they’re open again!) this Friday at 3pm cuz that’s when I have my hypnosis. Was told it’s okay cuz my massage is actually on Thursday.
3) Excitedly played a move in “Words with Friends” for a Triple Word Score. Only problem? I’d put down a word too short to reach it cuz I thought for a nano foggy second that the green space on the board was orange!

For those of you who know what I’m talking about, today was an “off” day. My Fibro very much follows the one day on/one day off pattern of some sufferers. What I do today, I feel tomorrow. So after yesterday’s efforts, I was hurtin’ pretty bad. But since I’m so committed to getting better for the trip, I was diligently active for half an hour at a time, broken by lying flat for an hour in between. That’s why I’m on my phone now instead of the computer. Too sore.

I read once how to make the “normals” feel what we Fibromites feel: clip clothes pegs all over your body. It’s so hard to explain the pain, or even what it is. I tell people it’s like arthritis of the muscles. They can relate to that.

Overall, feeling very positive about what I’m doing. Even managed to take some photos of the tons of eBay items I have to list.

I read the most wonderful quote, and in fact have ordered a bracelet off eBay with the words engraved on it:

“Not all who wander are lost.”
I LOVE that! It speaks to me because I’m always wandering around, either physically, or just mentally, thinking up new projects, planning trips, etc. I’ve been told my whole life it’s time to “settle down”, but I never have. I’m an ever changing Aquarian, with a severe case of wanderlust. And that’s okay, because those of us living on the edge are taking up less room.

I’m just sayin’ …

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Day 205 How Hard?!

Posted by themirrenlee on 23/07/2012

How hard is it, Mirren, to get the bloody number of the day right?

Obviously almost impossible, because you keep doing it.

Let’s try this again. You look at the number of the Post from the day before, AND THEN ADD 1 TO IT!

Simple, right?!

It’s not rocket science, it’s not brain surgery, it’s something even Paris Hilton could keep straight. Oh wait, maybe not …

Okay, once again. Yesterday’s Post was 204, so that makes today’s? Right …

Your thumbs aren’t the only things that are challenged.

Okay, go ahead, blame it on Fibro Fog, but we all know it’s simply because you’re careless. Thank god you’re NOT a brain surgeon …

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