the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Archive for August, 2012

Day 244 Viruses & Vampire Cats

Posted by themirrenlee on 31/08/2012

Woke up still feeling like I had a virus.

Made booking to fly to Sydney so I can pick up Nicky from camp on Wednesday afternoon.

Booked flight for Tuesday, September 4th. I thought.

When completed, booking said “October 2nd!”

Rang airline, but this time I hadn’t bought the insurance, so too bad.

It was my (foggy) fault.

Made another booking for Tuesday. Including insurance.

Went to doctor. She asked if I’m dizzy and nauseated when I stand up. I said yes. She said I have a virus. She said it may go away tomorrow, or last for weeks.

I think I could be a doctor.

I drove to grocery store. School kids threw sandwiches out of tram windows and hit my arm. I left the bread on the back seat floor. Not sure why.

Bought groceries while feeling nauseated. Incredible achievement.

Left favorite cardigan in food hall. Thankfully, cleaner turned it in to lost and found. I forgot cardigan cardinal rule before leaving any eating establishment: Always Look Back.

Made it home, unpacked groceries, got into bed, waited to stop feeling sick. Cat came to lie on chest for cuddle. Two minutes later, he went all “Twilight” on me and had hold of my neck.

What the fuck?!

Undid his jaws and threw him to end of bed. Am waiting to see if I turn into a cat.

It has been a strange, tiring day.

I’m just sayin’ …

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Day 243 Watch This Space

Posted by themirrenlee on 30/08/2012

Virus at peak.

Doctor tomorrow.

Sydney next week.

I’m just hopin’ …

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Day 242 Decision Made

Posted by themirrenlee on 29/08/2012

Didn’t make it to Sydney, but because I was “grown up” and got insurance, I’ll probably get my fare refunded.

It’s a very nasty virus making this poor little Fibromite sore and very weak. We don’t do well with primary viruses or infections – they exacerbate our “normal” muscle pain and fatigue levels.

So all still up in the air about who’s going to Sydney when.

My travel agent contacted me, to see if I had been abducted by aliens. I owe him a payment for the Fiji hotel. I told him about the chaos, and confirmed that I would be finalizing the booking.

That decision led me to make up my mind about the dentist – it’s a domino effect when finally one decision gets made! I’ll contact them and say I’ll be doing it in the New Year.

Now to bed – I’ll try to sleep my way to getting rid of this horrible bug.

I’m just decidin’ to heal …

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Day 241 The Fog Virus

Posted by themirrenlee on 28/08/2012

My DIL’s father is still sick. She is still commuting to the hospital to try and sort out his life once he gets better.

I’m supposed to go to Sydney tomorrow nite to help with my grandson while my son works.

I have developed a virus. Just the common type, you know, low grade fever, weak, dizzy, nausea, nose blowing, etc. The main symptom, though, appears to be a really strong case of Fibro Fog.

I did nothing today but feel sorry for myself.

Then I rang Sarah, and she said to just relax and she’ll come tomorrow afternoon to help get me ready so she can pour me on the plane in the evening, and if I can’t make it, she’ll go instead. When Sarah said she was coming to help, I burst into tears. Isn’t it funny the times we choose to cry? I’ve been strong for 2 days, feeling this virus slowly but steadily get worse, and then when someone tells me it’s going to be okay, I lose it.

I commented yesterday that I’d bought flight insurance, which I usually never do ( Because: “If you’re not living life on the edge, you’re taking up too much room.”) Well, it looks like I may now be able to get a fare refund if I end up being too sick to go. We’ll see where things are at tomorrow. The insurance also covered a change of name, so I thought I could give Sarah my ticket if necessary, except that the cheeky airline says I’d have to make the change outside of 24 hours. Isn’t the whole point of covering our asses with insurance because we’ll probably have to change something at the last minute?!

I feel very grateful to have such wonderful children (not just David and Sarah, but my DIL, Katie, as well, who I consider to be a second daughter). I know I can always lean on them, but I’m just always thinking I’m the mother so I should be the one being leaned on. Guilt is such a useless emotion. So what is it so popular?!

A vague idea of how much of a fog this virus put me in since yesterday was given in a bill I got today. Turns out the doctor’s appointment I thought I forgot to make I actually DID make, and I DID have an appointment yesterday – and a long one at that, so I could get more drugs as well as hypnosis – which I totally forgot making until I got a bill for a cancellation fee of $60 for missing a scheduled long appointment! Unbelievable. I rang them in complete and utter embarrassment to explain, and feel they are totally right to charge a cancellation fee. If I forget to write it in my diary it doesn’t exist, which is what happened.

So now I’m hoping I wake up tomorrow and the virus has worn itself out and left me alone.

My horoscope keeps saying all is going swimmingly for me right now. Either he’s lying, or the stars are. Unless they’re misinterpreting drowning as swimming. To paraphrase a popular saying here, “Not waving, drowning.”

Back to Miz Scarlett: “Tomorrow’s another day.”

What an awful lot of quotes for one post!

I’m just foggin’ up …

 

 

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Day 240 Damn Buffalos in the Fog

Posted by themirrenlee on 27/08/2012

Started the day feeling so tired and sore from buffalos running over me in the middle of the night that I was going to cancel my doctor’s appointment. But then I thought about how it’s my last visit before going to Sydney, and I wanted to report on how I’m SLEEPING BETTER with hypnosis/relaxation as well as the Circadin.

Dragged myself out of bed, puttered around, and just before leaving the house double checked the appointment time. Yes, it was 2:30pm, as I thought.

On the 20th of August.

I never made another appointment when I went last week.

Talk about Fibro Fog!

So I did errands, picked up a book I ordered from the library, and now have to finish before leaving Wednesday night for Sydney. Jonathan Kellerman’s latest, “Victims”, if anyone’s interested. Luckily, I’m an extremely fast reader. Which is one reason I have problems remembering if I’ve read a book before or not.

Then DIL rang, upset because her father’s house is too much like one of those reality TV shows to stay in – let’s just say it has a dog living there who isn’t house trained, for starters.

So I got her to come stay here at Roman and Caryl’s. It’s almost a 2 hour drive to visit her Dad in hospital, but at least she’s comfortable.

Then darling daughter, Sarah, showed up to say goodbye because I won’t see her before I go to Sydney. So now it’s almost midnite and I’m so tired and sore I could pass out. Well, anything to sleep …

Tomorrow I better wake up better because I have a lot of organizing to do.

I’m just hopin’ …

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Day 239 Wow!

Posted by themirrenlee on 26/08/2012

What a difference a day makes.

My DIL’s father was taken to hospital with pneumonia. He lives a couple of hours outside Melbourne, so she flew here this morning and has gone to help him.

Plans have gone even more into chaos, but there are bright linings. Katie is now going to drive my car to Sydney for me when she’s ready – something I appreciate because it’s a hard trek for me to drive 12 hours, even with a break overnite.

So I’m flying to Sydney this Wednesday to help with my grandson while my son works.

Which only leaves me to make the decision tomorrow about whether I should postpone the dentist, or postpone the trip to Hollywood.

Life rule: if you don’t make a decision, one will be made for you.

And leaving things to chance like that often doesn’t work out well.

I found the dentist through accidentally hearing a radio ad in a shop. I need that same kind of “Voice of God” to give me a sign about the best path to take!

One thing I DO ask of the Universe is no more complications at the moment, please. My brain’s decision making center is overloaded enough as it is.

I’m just hangin’ on …

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Day 238 Wondering and Wandering

Posted by themirrenlee on 25/08/2012

Okay, so where are we? More importantly, WHY are we? I don’t mean that in an existential, meaning of life kind of way, I mean it in why does this blog exist?

I got to thinking about it because it seems like whenever I write just a kind of small, holding-my-place, kind of post, I get some people “Liking” it, and even sometimes following me because of it, and I’m always surprised at this, both because I started this whole daily post thing only as a discipline for my writing, and also because I wonder where people find me?! I guess that’s because I really have almost no clue how WordPress works – I never have the patience to go through the Help sections – which is why I’m not always sure exactly how to thank people for their feedback. What I’ve just started doing is clicking on “Following” for everyone (I find all posts interesting, anyway), and then saying a big Thank You in my own post. Take that as said today for new people from yesterday. Oh, and I also wonder what exactly it is people like about a short, “not really” post?

The other thing is, because I may be the only person in the blogging world who doesn’t care if she has followers or not (but yes, it is nice to know that people actually get some pleasure out of my writing; I just mean I’m not doing it for Followers), and am writing rambly stuff about this gear shift in my life this year, entering my “third act” so to speak, I find that the selection of people who are reading me are really, really eclectic. It’s lovely and funny. Usually, if you write about cooking, you get people Following you who are interested in cooking, and the same for other subjects. But I get people interested in, and writing about, a whole range of issues. It’s great but kinda bewildering.

What I have to work very hard to avoid is NOT to write to please anyone but myself, which can happen when you get 3 new Followers who, for instance, love cooking. I was raised to please others while looking after them (pretty much cured after many years of therapy, but always lurking underneath my psychological rocks), so my first instinct might be to write something about cooking knowing it would please those readers. Now this would be very bad, because I turned off my cooking lobe about 15 years ago, and am now like a recovering alcoholic – I will never go near a stove again. Microwave, yes – if I can nuke it in a few seconds, I’m in. But I don’t even buy those packets that want you to stir them together after cooking separately. FAR too complicated. It’s got to take only a few fork piercings at the most, in under a minute, if it wants to live in my freezer.

As I said, though, I like reading other people’s blogs, and look upon cooking ones with the same bewildered fascination as I would those about raising worms. I may not want to do it, but I’m happy to read about it if you do.

So that’s where I am with the blog itself – not finished as a website, but at least I’ve kept up posting something every single day, which was the main goal. I’ve bought my name back finally (very complicated how I lost it), and I may make mirrenlee.com a separate website for my acting, coaching etc., or I may combine it all under that name. Not sure yet.

With my activities so far this year, I’ve booked my ticket for going to L.A. – another big goal – and am making some (very) slow, but steady inroads into getting my health back to functioning, if not normal, since Fibromyalgia can’t be cured (yet), but it can be managed better, like it was before I got the Menopause from Hell. So I feel I’m making progress with starting my Third Act, but because I’m a tightly wound Type A personality, it’s never fast enough.

Do I need to go faster? No, I need to accept who and how I am, and do the best I can. The way we all beat ourselves up in life is so sad – as the saying goes, “If you treated your friends the way you treat yourself, you’d have no friends!”

So thanks if you read what I write, and thanks also to whoever invented Blogging, because it’s so neat to find out so many interesting things about so many different people in the world.

Oh, and yes, I’m still having a minor nervous breakdown on decisions re my teeth. I’m thinking of indulging in the age old cure for everything unpleasant we don’t want to face: hiding from it; ignoring it; procrastinating about it. Putting my fingers in my ears and yelling, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, you can’t make me.”

I guess the question is: do I really want my Third Act to include all my teeth falling out? Depends. Can I live on microwaved oatmeal?

I’m just wonderin’ …

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Day 237 H#e@l%p

Posted by themirrenlee on 24/08/2012

My head is exploding with the decisions I have to make re dentist, travel, where I should live, etc.

I have to think laterally, and that turns my brain inside out.

I think I just uploaded this by accident when I started it. I can’t be trusted with moving machinery or sharp cheeses.

Must hide and think.

I’m just contemplatin’ …

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Day 236 Ducks, Buffalos and Dentists

Posted by themirrenlee on 23/08/2012

Okay, well, it’s just all too complicated to explain until I can get my ducks in a row – remember them?

I’m never quite sure why we’re supposed to get ducks in a row, as opposed to, say, buffalos, but who am I to argue with well established advice?

I live in Australia, which has socialized medicine. It’s kind of like Canada with kangaroos.

I know Americans imagine that socialized medicine means that we all wear Mao jackets and salute a Supreme Leader or something (hey, I’m half American, I know the thinking over there on anything “socialized”), but in actual fact, it’s much simpler than that: our taxes help pay for our medical care. Makes sense to me, especially since I have a chronic condition like Fibromyalgia that needs a lot of medical help.

I have NEVER been able to understand why Americans don’t want part of their taxes to go towards their health. It’s not like the U.S. government doesn’t tax its citizens for lots of other things, just not things that, like, keep them alive.

Anyway, I just found out I need a million dollars worth of dental work done. Now, dental work is also subsidized, but not as much, and it’s VERY complicated to claim money back. That’s the problem with any system that involves bureaucracy – the paperwork hurts your head. (At least curing it is subsidized.)

I’ve been researching it for days to find out exactly how much I’ll be out of pocket, basically so I can figure out if I can afford now to go to Hollywood in October. I may have to postpone. Or hey, I just thought, I wonder if I put my dental work as a “project” on kickstarter.com I’d get funded?

Time out to look at my new haircut, as promised:

Yes, I know it’s out of focus (in Hollywood we call it “soft focus” to look younger), but I have one of those phones where I have to shoot backwards – you know what I mean. This was the best of a LOT of tries – my finger got tired.

Normally, I wear it messier, but it had been a long day being told I had to have a million dollar’s worth of dental work. My hair was in as much shock as I was.

Back to our regular programming:

Yes, the Internet is better, but we’re waiting on a new modem to make it totally strong enough. Unfortunately, now the house phone doesn’t work. I keep warning people about Telstra, but no one listens. I expect not to have a phone for quite awhile, but we’ll see.

In other news:

I’ve been taking Circadin, which is slow release Melatonin, for 3 days now. Last time I tried it wasn’t a huge success, but now instead of not being able to sleep – you’ve all heard THAT enough times – I can’t seem to stay awake. I just spent 36 hours in bed! Thank god for my massage today because I was like the Tin Man, but the brilliant woman I had got me moving again – even walking without pain!

What a messy little post, but that’s what happens when complicated things happen in life, and then I say for days I’m going to talk about something but forget what that something was, and so it gets all rambly …

The main thing is, I have to make a whole bunch of decisions about the dental work – which is supposed to be done under a general anaesthetic on October 4th – and the trip on October 27th, and going to Sydney in the meantime to be with my grandson, blah blah blah. I’m sure your problems are much more interesting.

So back to ducks: tomorrow I’ll have a conversation with government people who will undoubtedly confuse me like crazy, but hopefully after I ask enough questions (at which time they will be annoyed with me, but I will persevere), I will know exactly how much I’ll have to pay if I get the dental work done, which will then help me make the decision about the trip.

My life kind of feels like I’ve run a marathon, and I’m tired but I know I’ll get some food and water and then a good lie down, until an official comes up and tells me that they’ve changed the rules and I actually have to run ANOTHER marathon before I can rest, which I do, and then I get told AGAIN I’m not finished, etc. I mean, talk about buffalos stampeding across my life …

There’s just something inherently funny about buffalos. Especially when I got this photo while looking for an image for travel!

This entire post feels like a giant Senior Moment, but that’s because I’m sleepy. I wonder if it will last? Wouldn’t that be a giant step forward for me this year?!

A lot to ponder, and make decisions about. Hopefully, by tomorrow nite I might have all my ducks, I mean facts, ready so I’ll know which path I’m taking. And here I thought all my plans were set.

As Woody Allen said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

I DO believe everything happens for a reason, and I really believe the book title, “You Can Have Anything You Want, You Just Can’t Have it All at Once.”.

So that means I should just settle down and listen to my instinct, and watch for those signs, while I’m fact collecting.

I’m just ramblin’ …

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Day 235 Day Off

Posted by themirrenlee on 22/08/2012

Bit of a collapse from all the running around. Wall showed up and I hit it.

I’m just flarin’ …

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