the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Archive for September, 2012

Day 272 Lost in Race

Posted by themirrenlee on 30/09/2012

Fibro flare. Yuk.

Ran out of herbal pain tablets, which seemed to be helping.

A losing day in the human race.

I’m just findin’ my way back …

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Day 271 Wondering Woman

Posted by themirrenlee on 29/09/2012

When will the day come when I don’t suffer a bad day after a good one? In other words, when will they find a cure for Fibro?!

Luckily, I’m still sleeping (yay!) and my mental/emotional state is currently good enough to help me just accept the flare today. I took a day off, basically, and enjoyed reading non stop.

No word yet on KT’s father’s condition, and whether she needs to go back to Melbourne or not.

One of my dialect coaching students emailed me with an invitation to see her in a play called “Glorious”, which opens in a couple of weeks. When she rang me for coaching, the dialects were going to be American along the lines of those heard in old movies like “Philadelphia Story” – think Katherine Hepburn.

Now, she says, they’ve changed them to “Standard American”, because everyone was sounding too English.

This always infuriates me – the belief that there is a “standard” or “general” American dialect. Does anyone see a state with those names?!

The most common dialect is West Coast. It has the most clarity and most consistent pattern of all the American dialects.

So I’m wondering why I don’t stop arguing with everyone about it, and just finish my goddamned voice book?!

I’m just procrastinatin’ …

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Day 270 Wonder Woman

Posted by themirrenlee on 28/09/2012

Wow, what a busy day. I felt like Wonder Woman fighting off the bad guys. I’ve always had a fantasy about tossing back bullets with my gold bracelets, shouting “Bullets and bracelets”!

Funny side note: Lego released its Wonder Woman figure WITHOUT her bracelets! So David very carefully painted them on for Nicky to put her in his new stop motion film.

First up, went for my big visit to the doctor – couldn’t see my wonderful Dr. Stephanie (she’s on holidays), but had sweet young boy doctor who’s filling in for her while she’s away. He’s very nice, but slightly challenged when it comes to the areas of women’s hormones and how to spell Circadin (slow release melatonin, the substance that is getting me to sleep, and slowly helping to turn my health around). After asking me how to spell it, he then actually wrote 4mg Melatonin instead of 2mg Circadin (which is slow release Melatonin), but the Chemist sorted it out, thankfully.

I then drove to the Bondi Junction Apple Store to have my iPhone replaced. I got it less than a year ago so they said they wouldn’t try to fix the way it keeps flickering to black like a silent Tourette’s symptom – they’d just replace the phone. (It’s quite creepy how they know where and when you buy your products just by checking the serial number.) I can’t fault their service or attitude, though. It really is an extraordinary company culture.

I tried to go back to my car, but halfway back remembered I’d left about $80 worth of prescriptions and other medications at The Chemist Warehouse, so I walked all the way back to pick them up.

When I first arrived, I misparked in the Mall’s parking structure and ended up using one of three goods lifts to find myself in the employees’ area. A miniature Security Guard pounced on me and said I didn’t belong there. I looked at the top of his head and told him they were the lifts by where I parked, and he said those were clearly marked “Goods Lifts”. I said they weren’t. He made the mistake of patronizing me by condescendingly saying, “Oh, I think you’ll find they are, M’am.” (Later I heard him telling someone by radio that I said they didn’t have adequate signage. Oh, they did have ONE sign, but it only told us how to spot terrorists wanting to use the lifts.)

Since I am, by nature, a fairly narky bitch hiding under a layer of sweetness, I’m going to find that little person and show him the photos I took of his lifts. Yes, it’s true, I like to prove I’m right when I know I am, and I harbor grudges for … well … forever, if necessary.

When I wanted to go back to my car, I couldn’t find the Munchkin to explain to me how I get to my car without using those lifts again, so I just retraced my steps, setting off no alarms. When I got to the bottom, I took a picture of each door. They are totally, kind of unusually, free of ANY signage at all, except for the terrorist alert. YOU’LL KEEP … strange little condescending, have-no-idea-who-you’re-messing-with “security person” (oxymoron much?). I’d show you the lifts, but they’ve disappeared off my phone. Will talk to David.

Then I drove to pick up Katie from work. I have lived in the Randwick area for many years, and done millions of trips between there and Bondi Junction, and I STILL got a mini hiccup lost moment AGAIN. It’s true – I am completely, utterly, and beyond redemption or repair “directionally challenged”.

We finally arrived home, and I proudly transferred my phone’s backed up files from my computer, and then installed the latest version of Flash on my computer. Maybe David being an Apple Genius is rubbing off on me!

The only bad part of the day is that we got notice about KT’s Dad: he’s back in Monash Hospital again – in the Assisted Care Ward. They’re saying (as we thought!), that he’s too sick for Rehab. We’re still waiting on more concrete news, to determine if KT has to go back there. Which will keep me here.

I am feeling quite positive in that my pain levels are down generally, and I’m still sleeping, sort of. I got up today, and dressed properly (not just torn tracky dacks), including make up and hair. I had to tell the doctor that I know I look perfectly normal, but I’ve spent most of the last year in bed. He was surprised. And THAT’S the trouble with Fibro!

I must say, however, that I am now pretty tired, and heading towards sore, so I’m aiming for a good nite’s sleep, since last nite’s was nothing special.

Didn’t realize it’s a holiday weekend in Sydney – Monday is Labour Day or something, which always strikes me as a misuse of the English language. It applies to me in that I won’t be able to start renewing passports until Tuesday now.

I’m feeling quite satisfied with a good day’s work, and I can still sit up. I hope tomorrow it continues.

I’m just blastin’ bullets …

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Day 269 Getting Ready to Jump?

Posted by themirrenlee on 27/09/2012

I’m sitting up, I’m dressed, what more do you want from me?!  😉

That is the question!

Okay, here’s the whole damn complicated plot:

I had a Dental Health Plan from the Australian government for just over $4000, given to people with chronic conditions, for which Fibromyalgia qualifies because sufferers crack and break their teeth from grinding or clenching with the chronic pain.

Evidently, the government thought it would cost $90mil a year, and instead it’s been costing $90mil a DAY. Well, too bad, don’t tell me about the labor, just show me the baby. Your budgeting is not my problem ONCE I FILLED OUT THE FORMS AND QUALIFIED FOR IT OVER A 2 YEAR PERIOD! Instead of just stopping the program for new applicants, they’re taking it away from people in the middle of treatment by first making the cut off date December 31st, and then, a couple of months later, moving it again to November 30th. Unbelievable for a Labor government (think Democrats), who are usually very much on the side of what we call here “the battler”.

Then today I read they are also cutting down the time anyone on a disability pension is allowed to be out of Australia before it’s cut off. It used to be up to 6 months, then 13 weeks, and just now it’s been moved to 6 weeks. Again, quite unbelievable. Too bad if you have sick/dying relatives overseas – they’d better be okay in under 6 weeks!

I have VERY severe issues with dental work, as not only are my mouth and teeth SUPER sensitive, but I also have tight TMJ joints in both jaws, and while I love general anaesthetics and breeze through them, I am not a fan of locals. Every time I have one things happen: they don’t take, they don’t last, they make a muscle spasm inside my mouth. When I had a melanoma removed over 20 years ago, the local wore off half way through the surgery! And  even though we see it all the time in American dentists, I’ve never seen an Australian dentist use nitrous oxide, so I don’t know if “laughing gas” would work for me even if I could find someone to administer it.

That brings us to the current dentist, known as a “sleepy dentist”, who has a clinic set up for generals and brings in an anaesthetist to administer them. (I’ve had many generals administered by dentists in the “old days”, especially for wisdom teeth removal, but they frown now on not using a highly trained anaesthetist.) I thought it was the answer to the extensive amount of dental work I need done, even though I would have a co-pay (here we call it a “gap”) of several thousand dollars because the dentist charges higher than the Dentist Scheme rebate, and the Anaesthetist wants about $700 an hour, for which I’d need about 4 hours for each session and get only about a third back. I was going to get everything done in 2 sessions, half October 4th and half next year because they had no vacancies in November. I would end up owing several thousand dollars, but I was comfortable with paying it off. (Take into consideration that the Anaesthetist only visits the clinic once a month.)

What should come first?

Then everything went to hell in a hand basket. I couldn’t commit to the October 4th date once Katie’s father got sick because we don’t know when she’ll be needed to run back to Melbourne for him, and I’ll need to help with Nicky getting to school, etc. We found out today through the MRI that her father has also had a slight stroke, about 6 months ago, and we have to take into consideration now the possibility of that happening again.

After much agonizing, I finally decided the only answer was to trust this dentist to be able to treat me with just locals, take it very slowly with appointments as short as possible, and whatever I have to pay outside the Scheme would be offset saving on not having to pay an Anaesthetist. I thought I could get half done on the Scheme, and half next year. Well, the problem there is the dentist is, of course, incredibly busy because of people trying to get their work done before the November 30th cut off, and I don’t know when I can be in Melbourne because of Katie’s father. I was thinking of going back next week, but we’re waiting to see how he’s going – which is not well at the moment. If anyone is thinking why don’t I get work done in December or January, there would be limited appointments only available in December, and he goes away in January. Most of Australia is in shut down holiday summer mode from about mid December.

So … I’ve come to the conclusion that I simply can’t make dental appointments at the moment, and am resigning myself to doing it in the New Year (from February).

Which frees me up to keep to my October 27th travel date to go to Los Angeles. Due to still sleeping a bit better, I’ve been thinking maybe I could actually have the strength to travel, and it would be so much easier to go then rather than have to pay hundreds more to change the date, while still having to live with either friends or family until I go. Being homeless is fun on one level – no responsibilities – but on another I’m aware that I’m imposing all my stuff on various people as storage venues, and I do feel a bit of a desire to have my own place again.

I’m rootin’ for the green, but being swamped a bit by the red!

I have decided that the Universe is playin’ with my head, and the way to thwart it is to be ready with plans, but add a side note of spontaneity.

My two choices boil down to going to L.A. on October 27th as planned, with all the problems that may arise out of that date – e.g. Katie’s father taking a turn for the worse – or change my booking to February (the biggest benefit there would be avoiding Australia’s hottest/muggiest time of year – think August in New York), with all the problems that may also arise out of that decision – e.g. being “homeless”, feeling I’m treading water .

I finally had an “aha” moment and figured out that I can’t be spontaneous if I’m not ready to jump, so I’ve decided to stop giving myself brain bleeds and just get ready as if I WERE going in October, by renewing my passports, organizing travel insurance (that will also cover ticket changes), continuing to research sublets and Budget car rental deals, and sell stuff on eBay to raise a bit of extra money.

Then, if it looks like Katie’s father is stabilized, and everything is ready, I will just JUMP from the cliff and trust that my wings will open. I will trust that I’ll have enough money, trust that my health will be good enough, and trust that no one will need me here to help them. And if any of that doesn’t pan out, then I’ll just use my return ticket and come back.

I hope it’s a bit clearer now why it’s all been so complicated. I had my plans set, and then, step by step, my life dominoes kept falling down. I feel much better now, and will put my faith in whatever is supposed to happen.

As for my car, as I wrote last nite, it’s actually okay that it seems to be crumbing like a cupcake because my ex mother in law gave me her little Toyota Echo, so I don’t actually NEED the other car. I just like it – a 1989 Daihatsu Charade that didn’t need any work for the 3 years after buying it, and yet now seems to be having a nervous breakdown. I’ve decided to let it have a rest until I decide what to do about it. Sometime we just have to walk away from the problem and reassess it later with a fresh perspective.

Now I play the “getting ready game”. Tomorrow it’s a doctor visit to start getting extra medication for travelling, next week it will be passport renewals, and in between I’ll be buying insurance and taking things as they come.

I feel much better now that I’ve made a decision, no matter what the Universe ultimately decides I should do.

I’m just gettin’ ready to jump …

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Day 268 Shhhhhhh …

Posted by themirrenlee on 26/09/2012

Sarah went back to Melbourne today. I miss her already. We are so similar in our outlook on life.

She says I’m having all these issues with the trip because I’m trying to make strict plans, and that’s not the relationship we have with the Universe.

She’s right. We work best when we make broad plans, and then add spontaneity.

We jump from cliffs and trust our wings will open.

Today I got it thrown at me that my car needs many bucks spent on it to function. It is currently parked and stored.

I’m still flat on my back, but otherwise feeling much better.

Which means I will probably be able to write tomorrow on the computer.

And share what I’ve decided.

Quietly.

So the Universe can’t hear.

I’m going to go back to surprising it, I think.

I’m just plannin’ …

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Day 267 Rebellion

Posted by themirrenlee on 25/09/2012

I’d planned to write a complete post
tonite about my plans – and their various convolutions.

HALT! No go.

I’m flat on my back from pulling it a little while ago, so it’s impossible to sit up at the computer, and as I’ve said before texting with one finger is too hard.

I had a busy day, picking KT up from the airport and so on. My back is rebelling because I didn’t allow for a rest.

Note to self: don’t do that in future.

I’m just lyin’ with my hot water bottle …

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Day 266 Another Sign?

Posted by themirrenlee on 24/09/2012

What is GOING ON with my Universe?

Tried to make an appointment today with my “real” doctor here in Sydney.

She’s on holidays, then booked out until the end of October.

So if I want to see her before I maybe go to L.A., I can’t. I haven’t seen her for months, and she’s a great diagnostician who usually adds something useful to my dealing with Fibro.

Another sign I should postpone the trip?

I’m so tired and fed up.

Back to wallowing a bit longer.

I’m just not postin’ much …

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Day 265 Still Wallowing

Posted by themirrenlee on 23/09/2012

Katie’s coming back Tuesday – Yay!

I’ll really be able to wallow now in my Depression Tantrum because she’ll take charge of meals and stuff. Not that I cook, but it’s kind of exhausting keeping up the stock of TV Dinners and choosing take away meals.

Sarah’s back tonight, so she’ll help me wallow, too, by occupying Nicky.

As soon as I figure out what I’m doing, I’ll stop with the wallowing. This time, tho’, I won’t tell any of the gods what my plans are!

I’m not only wallowing. I’m also waiting for the Universe to tell me what to do.

I’m just listenin’ …

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Day 264 Tantrum

Posted by themirrenlee on 22/09/2012

Sometimes life gets so annoying one just has to take time out to wallow in a giant depression tantrum.

I’m just wallowin’ …

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Day 263 T.G.I.F.

Posted by themirrenlee on 21/09/2012

Yay, the week is over!

Yay, my sleep marathon made me feel better than I have for weeks. Now if I could just get some stamina. And lose the pain in my lower back.

It’s such an amazing feeling when I’ve had lots of sleep – I find myself remembering what it was like to be “normal”.

Sarah took me up the road for a pedicure, while she got a mani-pedi (I don’t like manicures). I LOVE having my feet done, and my toes are now coral – lovely!

Sarah has gone to stay with a friend until Sunday nite, when we’ll get her back until Wednesday. The whirlwind that she is gives us all a lift.

I was encouraged by a friend to try a product for pain and inflammation by a company called Fusion. I got it from the health food store a couple of days ago. She says her mother swears by it for her arthritis, so we’ll see. I always try everything in my eternal quest for health.

Katie’s father got transferred to the rehab. hospital today. This means we may have her back here by next week.

I want to write properly about my plans, but I’m still working on feeling strong enough. It’s been a hard few weeks, but I always hope tomorrow will bring something new and better.

I’m just hopin’ …

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