the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 252 Sugar Addict Un-Anonymous

Posted by themirrenlee on 09/09/2012

 

Sugar, sugar, glorious sugar …

HELLO, MY NAME IS MIRREN AND I’M ADDICTED TO SUGAR …

I blame being brought up in America until I was 18, because Americans have far stronger “sweet tooths” than Australians. But maybe I’m just an addict. The funny thing, though, is that I don’t have an addictive personality for anything else: I don’t drink, do drugs (except prescription!), have a Charlie Sheen sex issue, smoke or pig out with food.

In fact, I’m not a great eater at all. By that I mean that I eat very little. Food doesn’t interest me as a topic, either cooking it or eating it. It just seems so pointlessly repetitive: eat, digest, eliminate … repeat. It’s like housework.

I’ve also been a vegetarian for over 40 years, which is only interesting for the fact that I’m a very bad one. I don’t eat “vegetarian food”, like legumes, tofu and vegetable varieties. It’s not that I don’t like those foods – it’s just that the acts of preparing and eating them bores me. I’d rather take a vitamin supplement. I wish all food came in pills; it would make eating so much easier.

I know I appall most people. The  proliferation of cooking shows, food reviews, recipes and popular chefs tells me very clearly that I’m in the minority. But I’m just not interested in regular food.

I’m interested in sugar. Intensely. It’s my friend. It never causes my irritable bowel to act up, I never feel even slightly ill after eating it, and digesting it doesn’t seem to be hard work. Yes, it gives me energy – a positive as far as I’m concerned. What about sugar lows? Well, they help me sleep, so yet another positive!

Cookies, pies, cakes, donuts – I’m an equal eating piggy.

Because of my small appetite, I’ve never had a weight problem – until this year. I’m about 10 kilos heavier than I’d like to be. I’m about 70 kilos (about 155 pounds) and I’d like to be my normal just under 60 kilos (about 130 pounds). I was ALWAYS between 50 and 55 pounds, but I’m not sure my Menopause metabolism will ever let me be that again. And before anyone talks more exercise, please remember that I have Fibromyalgia, plus osteo arthritis in my back that means I can only walk for about 20 minutes. I used to be 5’4″, but I got measured recently at an inch shorter. Evidently, I’m shrinking. Another reason to stop growing OUT.

There’s a very clear reason for my weight gain, and before the end of the year I commit to solving it. It’s the insomnia. Even though I’m getting to sleep now (Yay!), I still don’t stay asleep. This means that I’ve gotten into the habit of grabbing a cookie or something else sweet I can pop into my mouth before going back to bed. It may have started as a comfort thing from being so frustrated over not sleeping, but it’s gotten out of hand. I get up every one or two hours, and regularly spend 12 hours in bed so I can get 3 hours of sleep. Just do that cookie math!

Last night, however, I reached a new low. I ate a mini Snickers bar around 3am. I decided I could eat one more because it was small. Then I remembered my handbag. Ooops.

Before I left Melbourne, I put a large Snickers bar in my handbag “for emergencies”.

You guessed it. I ATE THE WHOLE BIG BAR AS WELL!

It looks so innocent, but oh the shame …

Mea culpa. I am a big (getting bigger) pig.

Luckily, there is one great motivator for me to shape up and lose weight. I gain all my weight around my stomach and hips. So one would think that I’d be worried about diabetes? But no, that’s not my concern.

I don’t want to be forced to buy bigger trousers! I have a very frugal personality, and the idea that I’d have to spend money on replacing my wardrobe just for the sake of (a lot of) sugar fills me with a burning desire to lose those pounds.

So, starting tonite, no more middle of the night pig outs, no matter how small. It’s become ridiculous.

Bye, bye my darlings. We’ll only be able to meet in the daytime now.

Another great motivator is the variety and cheap price of clothes in the U.S. compared to here in Australia. If I can sort out getting there (still working on the dentist issue), then I’ll want to be able to fit into those wonderful bargains. I know many Australians who take trips there just to fill a suitcase with new clothes, and even with the travel costs, they still save money!

I currently weigh 155 pounds. It will be interesting to see how much I’ve lost by next Sunday night – with no other dietary/exercise changes. I predict at least 5 pounds.

Just a side note: I know there are lots of dietary ideas for helping Fibromyalgia, but I’ve never found one I’ve tried to have any affect. Fibro with me is affected by lack of sleep, stress and other illnesses, e.g. viruses, but not food, as far as I can tell.

The only food that has been my constant, reliable, feel good companion is sugar.

But I know now that when one starts in on the hard stuff – several candy bars at once in the middle of the night – the sugar is starting to turn sour.

It’s going to be a hard addiction to break, but I’ve hung a pair of jeans on the back of my bedroom door that no longer fit me. I’ll see them every time I get up during the night – pretty good motivator to keep my mouth shut, I hope!

I’m just admittin’ my addiction …

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