the MIRREN LEE

The 2012 Act Three Journey of an Actress/Coach/Writer.

Day 269 Getting Ready to Jump?

Posted by themirrenlee on 27/09/2012

I’m sitting up, I’m dressed, what more do you want from me?!  😉

That is the question!

Okay, here’s the whole damn complicated plot:

I had a Dental Health Plan from the Australian government for just over $4000, given to people with chronic conditions, for which Fibromyalgia qualifies because sufferers crack and break their teeth from grinding or clenching with the chronic pain.

Evidently, the government thought it would cost $90mil a year, and instead it’s been costing $90mil a DAY. Well, too bad, don’t tell me about the labor, just show me the baby. Your budgeting is not my problem ONCE I FILLED OUT THE FORMS AND QUALIFIED FOR IT OVER A 2 YEAR PERIOD! Instead of just stopping the program for new applicants, they’re taking it away from people in the middle of treatment by first making the cut off date December 31st, and then, a couple of months later, moving it again to November 30th. Unbelievable for a Labor government (think Democrats), who are usually very much on the side of what we call here “the battler”.

Then today I read they are also cutting down the time anyone on a disability pension is allowed to be out of Australia before it’s cut off. It used to be up to 6 months, then 13 weeks, and just now it’s been moved to 6 weeks. Again, quite unbelievable. Too bad if you have sick/dying relatives overseas – they’d better be okay in under 6 weeks!

I have VERY severe issues with dental work, as not only are my mouth and teeth SUPER sensitive, but I also have tight TMJ joints in both jaws, and while I love general anaesthetics and breeze through them, I am not a fan of locals. Every time I have one things happen: they don’t take, they don’t last, they make a muscle spasm inside my mouth. When I had a melanoma removed over 20 years ago, the local wore off half way through the surgery! And  even though we see it all the time in American dentists, I’ve never seen an Australian dentist use nitrous oxide, so I don’t know if “laughing gas” would work for me even if I could find someone to administer it.

That brings us to the current dentist, known as a “sleepy dentist”, who has a clinic set up for generals and brings in an anaesthetist to administer them. (I’ve had many generals administered by dentists in the “old days”, especially for wisdom teeth removal, but they frown now on not using a highly trained anaesthetist.) I thought it was the answer to the extensive amount of dental work I need done, even though I would have a co-pay (here we call it a “gap”) of several thousand dollars because the dentist charges higher than the Dentist Scheme rebate, and the Anaesthetist wants about $700 an hour, for which I’d need about 4 hours for each session and get only about a third back. I was going to get everything done in 2 sessions, half October 4th and half next year because they had no vacancies in November. I would end up owing several thousand dollars, but I was comfortable with paying it off. (Take into consideration that the Anaesthetist only visits the clinic once a month.)

What should come first?

Then everything went to hell in a hand basket. I couldn’t commit to the October 4th date once Katie’s father got sick because we don’t know when she’ll be needed to run back to Melbourne for him, and I’ll need to help with Nicky getting to school, etc. We found out today through the MRI that her father has also had a slight stroke, about 6 months ago, and we have to take into consideration now the possibility of that happening again.

After much agonizing, I finally decided the only answer was to trust this dentist to be able to treat me with just locals, take it very slowly with appointments as short as possible, and whatever I have to pay outside the Scheme would be offset saving on not having to pay an Anaesthetist. I thought I could get half done on the Scheme, and half next year. Well, the problem there is the dentist is, of course, incredibly busy because of people trying to get their work done before the November 30th cut off, and I don’t know when I can be in Melbourne because of Katie’s father. I was thinking of going back next week, but we’re waiting to see how he’s going – which is not well at the moment. If anyone is thinking why don’t I get work done in December or January, there would be limited appointments only available in December, and he goes away in January. Most of Australia is in shut down holiday summer mode from about mid December.

So … I’ve come to the conclusion that I simply can’t make dental appointments at the moment, and am resigning myself to doing it in the New Year (from February).

Which frees me up to keep to my October 27th travel date to go to Los Angeles. Due to still sleeping a bit better, I’ve been thinking maybe I could actually have the strength to travel, and it would be so much easier to go then rather than have to pay hundreds more to change the date, while still having to live with either friends or family until I go. Being homeless is fun on one level – no responsibilities – but on another I’m aware that I’m imposing all my stuff on various people as storage venues, and I do feel a bit of a desire to have my own place again.

I’m rootin’ for the green, but being swamped a bit by the red!

I have decided that the Universe is playin’ with my head, and the way to thwart it is to be ready with plans, but add a side note of spontaneity.

My two choices boil down to going to L.A. on October 27th as planned, with all the problems that may arise out of that date – e.g. Katie’s father taking a turn for the worse – or change my booking to February (the biggest benefit there would be avoiding Australia’s hottest/muggiest time of year – think August in New York), with all the problems that may also arise out of that decision – e.g. being “homeless”, feeling I’m treading water .

I finally had an “aha” moment and figured out that I can’t be spontaneous if I’m not ready to jump, so I’ve decided to stop giving myself brain bleeds and just get ready as if I WERE going in October, by renewing my passports, organizing travel insurance (that will also cover ticket changes), continuing to research sublets and Budget car rental deals, and sell stuff on eBay to raise a bit of extra money.

Then, if it looks like Katie’s father is stabilized, and everything is ready, I will just JUMP from the cliff and trust that my wings will open. I will trust that I’ll have enough money, trust that my health will be good enough, and trust that no one will need me here to help them. And if any of that doesn’t pan out, then I’ll just use my return ticket and come back.

I hope it’s a bit clearer now why it’s all been so complicated. I had my plans set, and then, step by step, my life dominoes kept falling down. I feel much better now, and will put my faith in whatever is supposed to happen.

As for my car, as I wrote last nite, it’s actually okay that it seems to be crumbing like a cupcake because my ex mother in law gave me her little Toyota Echo, so I don’t actually NEED the other car. I just like it – a 1989 Daihatsu Charade that didn’t need any work for the 3 years after buying it, and yet now seems to be having a nervous breakdown. I’ve decided to let it have a rest until I decide what to do about it. Sometime we just have to walk away from the problem and reassess it later with a fresh perspective.

Now I play the “getting ready game”. Tomorrow it’s a doctor visit to start getting extra medication for travelling, next week it will be passport renewals, and in between I’ll be buying insurance and taking things as they come.

I feel much better now that I’ve made a decision, no matter what the Universe ultimately decides I should do.

I’m just gettin’ ready to jump …

2 Responses to “Day 269 Getting Ready to Jump?”

  1. baptistestscroix said

    How long will you be staying in America? Of course we all worry about your health while you are there, but if it isn’t going to be a long visit, then perhaps it will make you feel better just going instead of worrying about whether to go or not! Sorry to hear about the dental problems – sounds really tough trying to get things arranged. Maybe the universe wants a little sucking up to it? Try appealing to a higher power and see if that helps. And no matter what happens, keep writing – you are good at it.

    • Thanks for your thoughts. I can now only stay for 6 weeks without suspending my pension, but I’m hoping I’ll get well enough to act and coach, AND get work, and then I could stay for as long as I like.
      With my Buddhist/Spiritualist sensibilities, I appeal to a higher power (Universal Energy/”The Force”) every single day. Maybe it’s time to offer a blood sacrifice?
      Naw, really I believe it’s all happening as it should.

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